girl with anorexia

Dear Diary,
Today was another normal day...



A day of misery.
I hate the way I am. I'm so fat and everyone knows it. Everyone is always looking at me and I know exactly what they are thinking, "Oh man shes huge!" I try to change but its just not working. Today all I ate was half a slice of toast with no butter for breakfast, a water for lunch, and nothing for dinner and I've been doing that or less for weeks now and I don't see a change. Every time I see a mirror and I look all I see is fat. BIG FAT ME! Why isn't any of this working whyyy!? I'm not happy ever. I can't sleep, but all I want to do is sleep and everyone is always asking me tons of questions. And when they do, I get so nervous, like today Nikki asked why I wasn't eating anything and I told her I had no money for lunch, but when I said that she offered to pay for me, but I was like "Oh no you don't have to do that, I'll be fine." but she insisted, so then i hurried off to the bathroom and didn't come out until lunch was over. I think she's suspecting something. I think my mom is too, I can tell and she's always telling me she's worried about me. I don't know why, why would she want a big, fat daughter anyway? She should be happy I'm doing something about it and not get mad when I don't want to eat dinner! She's so annoying and she doesn't understand anything! All I want is to be skinny and no one understands that. They just all stare at me and I get so scared of what they are thinking and it makes me so miserable to the point where I don't want to leave home because I don't want anyone to see me like this. If they did I think they would be more scared to see me because I am so fat... I just hate this, no one can accept that I'm and so I try to do something about it and none excepts that either. Like, I realize that I'm huge, you don't have to remind me so stop staring at me! It's not fair, I just want this to stop, I can't take it anymore. It's affecting my moods so much, one minute I'm happy and talking to Nikki, the next minute I'm flipping out on mom, and before I know it I'm crying myself to sleep. Why is this happening to me! I've been doing so good on watching what I'm eating and I only eat a tiny bit each day if anything at all. It's just not fair. I eat and I'm fat and I don't eat and I'm fat. Nothing is my life is right, I hate it so much. Seriously everyone just leave me the fuck alone, I know I'm a cow, so just stop staring! Like do they not think I know? Of course I know, if I didn't know I wouldn't be doing anything about it!

I'm way too upset write anymore so I'm going to go try and sleep now or something.
bye.