crucible essay 2

Ciara Lynch
AP English 11 - Mr. George
December 4th, 2008
“Toying with our emotions”

Have you ever apologized for something a million times, but still felt unforgiving? Well, so has John Proctor. During “The Crucible” John Proctor struggles with reaching his redemption. He is constantly looking in the wrong place and needs to look in the right place. He keeps looking for forgiveness in people, but does not realize it is himself that he has to look for forgiveness before people can forgive him.

John Proctor’s affair with Abigail leaves him distraught. He is ashamed of what he did but does not how to take it away, because in Salem, “These people had no ritual for the washing away of sins” (Miller 20). Therefore, he could not be redeemed and did not know how to deal with it. So, Proctor tried to find a way to deal with. He tried to find away to be redeemed by asking his wife for forgiveness.

When Proctor confesses to Elizabeth he believes that she will forgive him and he will be redeemed. But the complete opposite happens. When he does tell her, she acts very cold and suspicious toward him. But, he thinks that she should not act this way when he says, “I’ll not have your suspicion anymore!” (54). Proctor does not understand why she is acting cold toward him; he does not understand why she does not forgive him. He believes that since that she is another human being with emotions and makes mistakes herself, she should understand. She should be able to forgive him. He confessed and showed remorse, so why does he not feel redeemed? Maybe one person is just not enough to feel redeemed.

After Proctor confesses to Elizabeth and does not feel redeemed, he goes to look elsewhere. Since his affair with Abigail, Abigail has been causing a huge commotion in the town. She has been accusing others of witchcraft, just to clear her name and to get Proctor back. Proctor knows she is lying straight out of her teeth and wants to tell the town about it. He does not want her to get away with this, but there is one problem. The only way to tell the town that Abigail is lying is if he has proof, and the only proof he has is the affair. This gives Proctor the idea that if he confesses of the affair to the town, he must be forgiven. “Forgive me; forgive me […] for I thought of her softly. God help me, I have lusted” (110). There is no way he cannot feel redeemed after confessing to the whole time. But, once again Proctor does not feel redeemed; he continues to look in the wrong place. The fact that he has confessed to all the people compared to one person is not going to change the reaction. They are still other people. He must look to the right place, he must look to himself.

Finally when Proctor talks to Elizabeth and asks for her forgiveness, she says something to him that brings him to a realization. When Elizabeth says, “John, it come naught that I should forgive you, if you’ll not forgive yourself. […] It is not my soul, John, it is yours” (136), Proctor realizes that in order to get forgiveness from others, he has to forgive himself first. If Proctor can forgive himself, he can ask forgiveness of God, and then finally get the forgiveness from the town just like he wanted. With the one step of forgiving himself first, he can finally feel forgiven and reach redemption.

Since Proctor was looking in the wrong place, of course he would not find what he was looking for. Just as if a man was looking for clothes in the children’s section of a store, of course he would not find anything that would fit him. But, if he went to the men’s section and looked there, he would find clothes that would fit him. Just as if John Proctor looked to himself before others, he would have felt forgiven and found redemption.